The City of Tehran says they have welcomed Santa Claus “as an international ambassador of goodwill” in the past hour. We have received a few rumors that Santa’s sleigh was shot at over Iran but those have not been confirmed by any reliable source.
“That would be impossible,” said Elf Quinton. “A bullet could never catch up to how fast Santa is going right now. That is like saying a tricycle can out run a car. It just can’t be done.”
— Elf Ernest
Direct from Santa’s Newsroom at the North Pole
Command Center Status: Command Center under lock-down…
Sleigh Status: 96358 mph
Reindeer Status: Record setting speeds being attained at this time.
Latest Secret Spy Reports: Roof problems reported in Preston, England; water main break reported in Lyon, France; high winds reported in Dover….
Where it is Christmas Eve now: Halifax
Where it is Christmas morning now: Tehran, Vorkuta, Omsk, Kabul, Delhi, Mumbai, Calcutta, Sri Lanka, Mongolia, Shanghai
Kids in these places should be in bed by now:
All of Europe
All of Africa