When Elves Get Mad

Life as an ElfThe nature of my job as an elf is different. I spend most of my days working at a computer in an office. When the world thinks of elves they think of the guys and gals over in Santa’s workshop.

Really, the world SHOULD think of those workshop elves first. They work hard. They do great work.

Every December they give those of us who don’t get a chance to work in Santa’s workshop a chance to help out now and then. I was over there the other day – helping to make Gak – and I was surprised to see Santa there wearing his tool belt and working up a sweat making building blocks for the little kids.

Santa works a lot in his workshop but not much in December. He spends most of December, as you know, out in the world visiting with children. So it was kind of neat to see Santa there and to be there with him at Christmastime.

And like any elf Santa was in the lunchroom at lunch time. That’s when elves talk.

Right now nobody is talking about anything more than the Merry Prankster. For months he has teased us with silly pranks but this week he has started to do some real bad things. He was once very popular here at the North Pole. But no more.

The elves are mad.

I normally have a lot to say but not when I am around the workshop elves. I respect those elves a lot. They are experts in many things. I don’t want them to think I know as much as they do. So I was kind of a fly on the wall there the other day as they were talking about the Merry Prankster.

I noticed that Santa was listening closely to them too.

And they are mad. Really, really, really mad.

It is not a good idea to get an elf mad.

Elves tend to be very creative people. Those kinds of people sometimes tend to be very emotional. Because they feel things so deeply sometimes the anger gets expressed loudly or even dangerously. Elves like to throw things and pound things and crash things when they get mad.

None of this is good for elves who handle a lot of power tools.

But Santa spends a lot of time teaching us as elves to use our feelings for good. He has taught us to be careful NOT to get mad in the first place. He says anger is a sign of a weak mind – one that does not question enough. Santa teaches us that when we get mad we should really learn to ask questions.

And that’s what these elves were doing in the lunch room the other day in talking about this Merry Prankster guy (we all assume the Prankster is a guy, I don’t know why).

I see from the comments here on the website and from all the mail coming into the North Pole that many of you are starting to get upset about this Merry Prankster situation too.

You’re asking questions!

Why don’t they use cameras to catch this guy? Did anyone think to check fingerprints? Why aren’t these places where he keeps causing trouble under 24-hour security?

You guys are asking all the right questions. And you are asking all the same questions that nearly every elf here at the North Pole is asking too.

But here is the other thing about creative people like elves.

They are problem solvers. When they ask questions, all of a sudden new ideas pop up about what action can be taken.

And some of you are sending in good suggestions. The elves in charge of trying to catch the Merry Prankster are listening. And I’m being told you are being very helpful.

So keep posting your ideas, your questions, your comments and your concerns. Keep sending your messages to the North Pole.

Together we don’t have to get mad. Together we can solve this problem of the Merry Prankster.

Why Thanksgiving is as Big as Christmas at the North Pole

Life as an ElfYears ago I got in a lot of trouble for writing a column titled A Fat Man’s Holiday.

That article talked about Santa’s love of food and the North Pole celebration of Thanksgiving.

I will attempt to once again explain it all without getting anyone upset.

First of all, let’s talk about Santa and food.

You know all this about Santa. Don’t get mad at me for calling Santa “the Big Guy” or mentioning how much he eats. You all feed him cookies. You have a part to play in this.

Just because I call it a “fat man’s holiday” does not mean I’m calling Santa a fatso. I’m just not.

He’s not a porker, a budda-belly, a beached whale, a laardvark, a tubby, Fatty McFat, salad dodger, buffet killer, butter master, a bag of doughnuts, gordo, Count Fatula, lard gargler, cake magnet, wifi blocker, carbzilla, a fattleship, blimp, fatty, hogbeast, lardo, podger, ground sloth, hambeast, Slenderella, or plump or portly or rotund.

It’s a fat man’s holiday because it is a time of feasting. That is all. And food is not the only thing Santa feasts on at Thanksgiving.

Like everyone else at the North Pole he loves the day off. He loves being with family and friends. He loves putting up the Christmas tree. He loves playing games. He loves making things in the kitchen. He loves pie. He loves being prayerful. He loves telling everyone what he is grateful for. He loves looking at the lights, starting on his Christmas cards, watching football and movies, and he loves getting ready for Christmas.

Thanksgiving at the North Pole is a huge celebration. Some even think it is bigger than Christmas.

There is truth to that. By the time Christmas comes around some of us are so tired we sorta sleep through some of it. We love Christmas. But for an elf Christmas is an end. Thanksgiving is a vibrant beginning.

I guess you could say that Thanksgiving for those of us at the North Pole is our Christmas.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

And there is nothing wrong with you having a big Thanksgiving too.

I hope you enjoy it.