North Pole Denies Reindeer Deniers

Breaking NewsThe North Pole has been flooded with email over the past 12 hours after a report surfaced online that Santa plans to fly his sleigh without reindeer this year.

We assure you this is absolutely FAKE news.

“How silly to think that Santa could fly his sleigh without reindeer,” said Elf Quinton Q. Quigley, head of the Research and Development Department at the North Pole, the department in charge of sleigh designs for Santa. “We have looked at the various available technologies and have never found a more efficient power driver for Santa’s sleigh outside of reindeer. Reindeer are noble souls, filled with Christmas spirit, usually they are physically fit and they are light on the environment. They add a lot to the ecosystem of the North Pole. Anyone who tells you different doesn’t know Rudolph very well.”

The reports are allegedly tied to Norad, a military-based Santa tracking outfit in North America.

“There is a lot of bad information out there on the Internet,” said Elf Ed Zachary. “And more people than ever are tracking Santa Claus. They have web sites and Facebook groups and forums and chats and YouTube channels and all this stuff. But none of them speak for Santa. That’s why you should track Santa right here. Avoid all the fake news out there about Santa.”

I did speak to Santa today about this rumor and he laughed. He said he could not be Santa without reindeer.

Elf Ernest

Prankster Paints the Sleigh Pink

Breaking NewsHo ho ho!

Disturbing news from the Research and Development Department today working on the final version of Santa’s new sleigh: someone broke into the sleigh barn last night and painted it pink.

Of course, it’s the work of the Merry Prankster.

“Actually, he appears to be a very skilled painter,” Elf Quinton observed when he showed me the sleigh this morning.

“But the reindeer aren’t going to like that!” he said pointing to a big sign on the back that said “I break for My Little Pony”.

I have to admit, the sleigh did look unusually fast in a kind of a bubble gum color.

But Santa will never go for that and everyone knows it. Elf Quinton says the next two days will be spent repainting the sleigh and that further flight tests will have to be postponed.

Elf Ernest

Operation Merry Christmas

Kringle Radio News
. Seeing Santa

Santa Begins Efforts to Recruit Tracker Elves

Breaking NewsOne of the big secrets of the North Pole Tracking Department has been revealed. In the past week elves have quietly opened a new website designed to manage and recruit millions of new Santa tracker elves. The site is called SantaTrackers.net.

Elf Agent X was one of the many elves that was part of the project. “We have for years recruited Santa’s secret spies via ElfHQ.com and we will continue to do so,” Agent X told me. “But this effort is different. These new tracker elves won’t work for me — they will work for the North Pole Tracking Department.”

A tracker elf is one that tracks Santa for Santa. Santa needs them in every area of the world.

They work in the weeks ahead of Christmas and during Santa’s flight to provide timely information to the Flight Command Center at the North Pole.

They are tasked with reporting on conditions — everything from the weather to the local condition of rooftops and chimneys.

Often, tracker elves are interviewed during the live radio news broadcast on Kringle Radio on Christmas Eve.

Thousands of elves work in support of Santa each year in places all over the globe. It has always been that way. But Santa’s flight effort has become more complicated over time and he just needs more elves, more eyes, and more support of the flight effort.

Any believer in Santa can volunteer for duty. Here are the steps to follow if you are not already an elf:

1. Go to Elf HQ.com and become an elf if you haven’t already done so. You need to take the Elf Oath.

2. Head then to SantaTrackers.Net and register to become a Santa Tracker elf.

3. When it asks for an invitation code to join type in the word snowball.

And that’s it — the site is completely private for authorized elves only. Once you have received your promotion to Official Santa Tracker Elf the site will give you instructions and begin your training. There is much to learn between now and Christmas if you are to help Santa when he takes flight.

“This is actually the first of two new websites the Tracking Department will open this year,” Elf Quinton told me. “That other new site won’t open until Halloween and we will explain it at that time. But we wanted to begin the process of recruiting new tracker elves now because Santa wants so many of them this year.”

This is a major announcement, folks. It is historic.

If you’re a believer I think you should go sign up for this new position as soon as you can. This is NOT an elf position that works you at the North Pole. But it is a smart move for anyone who wants to develop an elf career. To be part of Santa’s flight operations on Christmas Eve is a big honor. Just ask any of the reindeer. They all compete to be a part of it. You will want to be a part of it too.

Elf Ernest

Doors Glued Shut at the Sleigh Barn

16bHappy Friday Greetings to you!

Another day of weird things going on at the North Pole.

Today Elf Quinton and his team of sleigh designers had a hard time getting to work over at the sleigh barn.

The doors were glued shut.

It was supposed to be a big day, too. They have been testing several new designs for Santa’s sleigh this year and today they were going to do some races.

But they couldn’t get inside the barn, no matter what they did.

One of the elves from the workshop had to come over with his ax and chop the door down.

Of course, we KNOW who did this – it was the Merry Prankster.

We just don’t know who he is.

He’s sure going to be in a lot of trouble when he gets caught.

— Elf Ernest

Sleigh Barn Elves Sent to the Workshop

1Hi everybody!

Well, there are no secrets ultimately at the North Pole. Elf Quinton and team at the Research and Development Department got caught working on a new sleigh design and Santa put a stop to it.

Worse than that. He sent all the elves except for Quinton to work in the workshop. They won’t be making sleighs any more this year. They will be making toys.

None of them are happy about it. But Santa insists that he is making his own sleigh this year and that he can use their help in the workshop instead.

He was quite stern about all this, which isn’t like Santa at all normally.

Elf Quinton says that he has seen Santa’s new sleigh and he says that even though Santa is a sleigh master himself and a master craftsman the new sleigh needs a lot of work and he doubts Santa can get it done in the next two months.

Santa replied by changing the locks on the sleigh barn and telling Quinton to focus his efforts in the tracking department for the next few months.

So it seems we have not only a mystery with the reindeer this year – but now the sleigh, too!

Elf Ernest