Life as an Elf
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What Elves Eat

I just wanted to say thanks to all the folks who sent me email after last week’s column. I had no idea how much interest there is in elf life. Our little discussion about elves in your home really brought forward a ton of questions. You…
Life as an Elf
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Elves in Your House

Everybody knows about the Big Elf who goes down your chimney in the dark of night every Christmas. His name is Santa Claus. We all welcome him into our homes with great anticipation. But there are other elves that go to your house. Perhaps…
How to Become a Santa Defender 2

A Face Made for Radio

The guys at the North Pole radio news department are really hard at work already. Their big show – the one you hear on Kringle Radio from December 23rd through the 25th tracking Santa round the world – will evidently feature some new…
How to Become a Santa Defender 2

Flying in Sleighs and Living at the North Pole

So I was at the North Pole Post Office the other day -- looking at all the mail the kids send in. I’m not going to lie – I had no idea you guys sent in so much. Even in September. Much of it is the same: I want to be an elf, I want…
How to Become a Santa Defender 2

The Not So Mysterious World of Elves

This is the first column in a new feature called It's an Elf's Life by famed North Pole journalist, Elf Ed Zachary. Given the amount of mail coming into the North Pole Post Office with questions about elves Santa has given Elf Ed this new assignment…
How to Become a Santa Defender 2
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Decoy Sleighs Confuse Trackers

The Soloman Islands appear to be Santa's current stop. The Tracking Center has confirmation from multiple sources that Santa is there. Meanwhile, the hundreds of sleighs in the skies over the South Pacific has trackers of all types…
How to Become a Santa Defender 2
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Plot to Trick Santa in Spain Uncovered

Secret Spies working for Santa in Spain have revealed a plot to try to trick Santa later tomorrow as he flies to that country. It was revealed that non-believers were planning to put up a giant net between two houses in hopes of catching…
How to Become a Santa Defender 2
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False Media Reports Ahead of Historic Event

The world is burning up the phone lines, emails and fax machines to the North Pole as media contacts and government representatives debate Santa’s “historic” news. We still don’t know the nature of what Santa has in mind but some…
How to Become a Santa Defender 2
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North Pole Navy Launches Three Ships

Big holy-moly breaking news again! Santa is launching a navy. Yes – a navy, as in boats. Three large ships have just departed from ports in Dubai, Singapore and Rotterdam. We don’t know yet where they are going or what their mission…
How to Become a Santa Defender 2
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Massive Piles of Coal at the North Pole

Breaking News! A week ago we told you about sleighs leaving North Pole. Today they are starting to come back and they are loaded with COAL! Elf Ed Zachary says this isn’t what you think it is. Santa does not give kids coal. It is…
Four Months Until Christmas Eve 1
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Four Months Until Christmas Eve

Greetings! Last month we talked a lot about mail Santa receives. Let’s talk this time about mail we receive as elves. We all get mail. I think kids really like elves and in their heart most kids want to grow up to be an elf and work…
How to Become a Santa Defender 2
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How to Become a Santa Defender

There are several popular elves at the North Pole but the one who gets more mail than any other elf (besides Santa) is Elf Ed Zachary. We haven't talked a lot about Elf Ed this year. But he is always getting letters, answering questions…