Life as an Elf
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Halloween for Elves at the North Pole

Halloween is a lot like Christmas at the North Pole. There is a buzz here this week as Halloween approaches. Everyone is happy. Everyone is excited. Elves love Halloween. Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love Halloween. Elves…
Life as an Elf
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How Elves Poop and Other Secrets of North Pole Life

I was stunned to get this question via the mail to the North Pole this week: How do elves poop? I’m not answering it. And that’s because elves poop like everyone else and it’s disgusting and I don’t want to talk about it. But…
Life as an Elf
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What Elves Eat

I just wanted to say thanks to all the folks who sent me email after last week’s column. I had no idea how much interest there is in elf life. Our little discussion about elves in your home really brought forward a ton of questions. You…
Life as an Elf
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Elves in Your House

Everybody knows about the Big Elf who goes down your chimney in the dark of night every Christmas. His name is Santa Claus. We all welcome him into our homes with great anticipation. But there are other elves that go to your house. Perhaps…
Life as an Elf

A Face Made for Radio

The guys at the North Pole radio news department are really hard at work already. Their big show – the one you hear on Kringle Radio from December 23rd through the 25th tracking Santa round the world – will evidently feature some new…
Life as an Elf

Flying in Sleighs and Living at the North Pole

So I was at the North Pole Post Office the other day -- looking at all the mail the kids send in. I’m not going to lie – I had no idea you guys sent in so much. Even in September. Much of it is the same: I want to be an elf, I want…
Life as an Elf

The Not So Mysterious World of Elves

This is the first column in a new feature called It's an Elf's Life by famed North Pole journalist, Elf Ed Zachary. Given the amount of mail coming into the North Pole Post Office with questions about elves Santa has given Elf Ed this new assignment…
Life as an Elf
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Decoy Sleighs Confuse Trackers

The Soloman Islands appear to be Santa's current stop. The Tracking Center has confirmation from multiple sources that Santa is there. Meanwhile, the hundreds of sleighs in the skies over the South Pacific has trackers of all types…
Life as an Elf
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Plot to Trick Santa in Spain Uncovered

Secret Spies working for Santa in Spain have revealed a plot to try to trick Santa later tomorrow as he flies to that country. It was revealed that non-believers were planning to put up a giant net between two houses in hopes of catching…
Life as an Elf
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False Media Reports Ahead of Historic Event

The world is burning up the phone lines, emails and fax machines to the North Pole as media contacts and government representatives debate Santa’s “historic” news. We still don’t know the nature of what Santa has in mind but some…
Life as an Elf
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North Pole Navy Launches Three Ships

Big holy-moly breaking news again! Santa is launching a navy. Yes – a navy, as in boats. Three large ships have just departed from ports in Dubai, Singapore and Rotterdam. We don’t know yet where they are going or what their mission…
Life as an Elf
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Massive Piles of Coal at the North Pole

Breaking News! A week ago we told you about sleighs leaving North Pole. Today they are starting to come back and they are loaded with COAL! Elf Ed Zachary says this isn’t what you think it is. Santa does not give kids coal. It is…