So I was at the North Pole Post Office the other day — looking at all the mail the kids send in.
I’m not going to lie – I had no idea you guys sent in so much. Even in September.
Much of it is the same: I want to be an elf, I want to live at the North Pole, and I want Santa to give me a ride in the sleigh.
As I see this in email after email, in text message after text message and in letter after letter I can only ask one thing: Why?
I blame the movies. I think you see in television shows and movies these images of perfect things and that is just not the way it is at the North Pole.
It is cold here – every day. There are NOT trees. The wind blows all the time. It’s not as bad as Wyoming…but it is close.
It is true that if we have to fly we fly by a sleigh. And again, I’m not going to lie. The first time you do it is pretty exciting. You think it is the coolest thing in the world. But soon that feeling leaves you.
First of all, it messes up your hair. Real elves HATE to have messy hair. I’m just saying.
But the worst part about it is the cold. Why do you think Santa always wears that heavy red suit? That’s because he nearly freezes to death without it, even in places where it is warm.
You see, reindeer fly really high in the sky. The higher you go the colder it is.
Here is the plain truth. As elves we get in sleighs to fly from the North Pole because no airplanes ever come up here. There is no airport — just a bunch of reindeer and all kinds of sleighs.
If we want to go somewhere away from the North Pole we hop on a sleigh that takes us to an airport. Then we get on planes like everyone else.
Now, let me speak a little about flying with Santa. Hardly anyone ever does it.
Santa, you see, flies really fast. And that’s really, really, really, really, really, really – no, I’m not kidding – it really, really scary.
Elf Crash Murphy is one who knows.
He follows Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve as he flies around the world. But he is in a sleigh BEHIND Santa and Crash says they see Santa mostly from a distance – because it is so hard to keep up with him.
Crash says he has been in Santa’s sleigh twice when Santa was the driver. The first time Santa went so fast Crash threw up within 30 seconds. The second time Crash said he HAD to fly with Santa because his sleigh crashed and Santa rescued him. Crash said Santa told him to keep his head down the whole flight so his hair wouldn’t catch on fire, that’s how fast he was going.
Santa has to fly fast, of course. It is how he does what he does every Christmas.
But his sleigh is not for everyone. In fact, Mrs. Claus is the only one I know who goes on sleigh rides with Santa and when she does he does not fly fast. But she is the only one.
Now, it’s not my job to burst anyone’s bubble about elf life. I hate to be the one to tell you the reality of things. Flying in sleighs may not be something you really like.
But living at the North Pole is another story.
The North Pole is a real little town. Most people who live here work for Santa in some way. We have a school, a church, and even a grocery store.
Some have the idea that the North Pole is filled with candy, that the walls are made of sugar, and that rivers of eggnog flow down our streets.
It is NOT that way.
But there is plenty of magic. Most homes here are decorated with lights. During most of the year, those lights are rather plain. At Christmas we go crazy with colored lights set to music and all kinds of festive decorations on the trees and on the lawns. In that way we are no different than anyone else in the world.
But we live in a world of Christmas every day. And that does make it better.
It makes it easier to handle the fact that it snows so much here. It makes dealing with the wind all the time a little better.
Christmas decorations, Christmas songs, Christmas smiles – it all makes for a very pleasant environment. It is even a little fun.
Everyone at the North Pole is very nice. In fact, elves promise when they take the Elf Oath to always be cheerful – and most of the time they are. They smile, they laugh, they joke.
That attitude of Christmas is what makes the North Pole fun. It makes me want to stay here – forever.
You don’t have to move to the North Pole to have that, though. Just make everyone around you take the Elf Oath.