False Reports of Santa in the Skies Come in From Around the World

An excited world is sending a variety of false reports to the North Pole at this hour. Claims that Santa has been seen in the skies over Beirut, London, Wellington and Elko, Nevada USA have posted to Santa Central in just the past two minutes. All of those reports are false because Mrs. Claus insists that Santa is still sleeping and is, in fact, snoring loudly.

“I’m going to let him sleep,” Mrs. Claus said to me as she was serving hot cocoa to the families waiting for Santa’s launch. “He needs his rest. Christmas Eve is such a very long day for him.”

According to Elf Billy and Elf Agent X, we are, however, starting to receive lots of outstanding reports from Santa’s Secret Spies at this hour. Localized reports of tree branches, antennas, broken fences, new power lines and other obstructions around homes where Santa will fly but hasn’t been for a year are coming in and being noted. That information, just so you know, is input into the computer which feeds data constantly to Santa’s GPS and gives the sleigh a warning automatically.

So, let’s say you’re a secret spy for Santa in, say, San Diego, California, USA and you send in a report about a new power line put in since last year. An elf at the North Pole puts in your information and Santa doesn’t even see it until he gets close to San Diego. This is how we keep it all straight. By knowing your name and your location the information pops up to Santa at just the right time when he is in your neighborhood. It is all very sophisticated and technical. But it cannot work without your help.

— Elf Ernest

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