update Santa has replaced his replacement team. The All-Girl team of Reindeer — whose names I do not know because Elf Agent X says they are classified — is now leading Santa’s sleigh into Iran.

Elf Quinton did see my last update and he came out of the locked down Tracking Center to explain some things to me. “Ernest,” Elf Quinton said, “Santa is using an all-girl team of reindeer right now because he needs the fastest reindeer possible for this section of the flight. Girls don’t have as much power or stamina as the boys but they are more athletic and have greater quickness and agility. Santa needs all the flexibility his sleigh can deliver for the next little while. He will be fine, the reindeer will be fine.”

Thank you for your emails of concern.

— Elf Ernest
Direct from Santa’s Newsroom at the North Pole

Command Center Status: Command Center under lock-down…
Sleigh Status: 95478 mph
Reindeer Status: Record setting speeds being attained at this time.
Latest Secret Spy Reports: Weather issues across the Western US reported; roof damage from storms reported in Alabama, USA; Clear skies reported above England…
Where it is Christmas Eve now: Bermuda
Where it is Christmas morning now: Vorkuta, Omsk, Kabul, Delhi, Mumbai, Calcutta, Sri Lanka, Mongolia, Shanghai

bedtime
Kids in these places should be in bed by now:
Iceland
All of Europe
All of Africa
East Africa
Bulgaria